rowan {circus gremlin}
Contacting rowan {circus gremlin}
Federation handle:
@storybead@chaosfem.tw
rowan {circus gremlin}'s Information
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pronouns |
they/she/fae |
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pronouns.page |
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hugs |
always |
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alignment |
chaotic femme |
rowan {circus gremlin}'s Bio
Cottagecore mountain witch, steampunk elf, aerial circus gremlin. Chaos fae with a glass studio and a wood shop and a yarn stash. Regex tech nerd with a camera, three feline nutballs, some fabulous partners, and a perfect kid. Femme leaning punk trans enby slut giving a middle finger to the gender binary while baking scones for the cuddle pile. Tired GenX wilderness wanderer. Musical tastes lodged firmly in the genre of "everything." SF Bay Area traincation backpacker. My Doctor is 13, my library is the Otherwise Award long list.
Too femme to be masc, to butch to be femme, to quiet to be butch, too queer to be quiet.
Follow requests turned on to weed out spam. I might or might not follow back, just have to keep my reading lists under control, but I love my queertrans peeps.
pfp: picrew me, femme wearing an open shirt and a hat and carrying a walking stick
header: sunset on the Sierras, solo backpack trip, 2023
rowan {circus gremlin}'s Posts
rowan {circus gremlin} has 4 posts.
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rowan {circus gremlin}
A bit ago, I was talking with my therapist about my identity, being nonbinary but also feeling like every step towards femme I take is unquestionably right. The question I had - which I can't answer - is what's the hard thing? Is the hard thing being fully femme, and all its logistical hurdles? Or is the hard thing forging my own nonbinary path through genderland, where fewer people have gone? It's a hard question, made harder because there's a lot of trans experiences I don't share (and a lot that I do), and my brainworms like to come back at me with AM I EVEN TRANS? Or, slightly less bluntly, am I trans ENOUGH?
I sit with myself at #TheCoffeehouse, with these brainworms, and she looks at me, and she says, "honey, the question you should be asking yourself is not 'what's the hard thing' but 'what's the easy thing?'" And I have to stop before I trip over myself, because she's right. The easy thing is what my brainworms are feasting on. Obviously the easy thing is not being trans.
1/3
Tags: #thecoffeehouse
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rowan {circus gremlin}
Ok, I've had this post bubbling around in my head for a little bit, and I've already said parts of it in comments to other people. But here's the post. It's brainworms. It's imposter syndrome and nervousness and perfectionism. It's she wouldn't ever speak to me, I'm not good enough to even be noticed. It's am I trans enough, am I pretty enough, will I ever pass (do I want to pass). It's comparisons.
Brainworms. Brainworms feed on comparisons, and they feed on telling us that we'll never be as [whatever] as the next person (who clearly has her shit together and is a knockout, too). They love that stuff, and they eat it up and give us nightmares.
1/4
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rowan {circus gremlin}
In response to this post@nora sewing machines, definitely. Kilns are probably just that much more of a niche thing that they're even easier to overlook.
Mentions: @nora@blob.love
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rowan {circus gremlin}
Today as I finished lunch I got a call. Gender Confirmation Center wanted to discuss surgery dates. Friends, I have surgery scheduled for April 9. We still have to wrangle insurance, but this is otherwise perfect timing, letting me get through an aerial rope performance in February and a month of slinging my pro camera and lens around for the circus troupe's yearly show in March. I should be recovered enough for more light photo work in May and some backpacking in July. I'll be back in the air sometime in the fall, with my circus physical therapist's approval.
I cannot express how much of a weight has lifted off my shoulders this afternoon. Even when I haven't been consciously thinking and worrying about this, it's been lurking in the background - a need that wasn't being met, that I had to prod and shepherd along to make sure everything kept up. That part of me can now think about other things and happily anticipate this.
@storybead yay!!!!
by Nora Reed ;
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rowan {circus gremlin}
A bit ago, I was talking with my therapist about my identity, being nonbinary but also feeling like every step towards femme I take is unquestionably right. The question I had - which I can't answer - is what's the hard thing? Is the hard thing being fully femme, and all its logistical hurdles? Or is the hard thing forging my own nonbinary path through genderland, where fewer people have gone? It's a hard question, made harder because there's a lot of trans experiences I don't share (and a lot that I do), and my brainworms like to come back at me with AM I EVEN TRANS? Or, slightly less bluntly, am I trans ENOUGH?
I sit with myself at #TheCoffeehouse, with these brainworms, and she looks at me, and she says, "honey, the question you should be asking yourself is not 'what's the hard thing' but 'what's the easy thing?'" And I have to stop before I trip over myself, because she's right. The easy thing is what my brainworms are feasting on. Obviously the easy thing is not being trans.
1/3
Tags: #thecoffeehouse
Likes: 0
Replies: 0
Boosts: 0
rowan {circus gremlin}
Ok, I've had this post bubbling around in my head for a little bit, and I've already said parts of it in comments to other people. But here's the post. It's brainworms. It's imposter syndrome and nervousness and perfectionism. It's she wouldn't ever speak to me, I'm not good enough to even be noticed. It's am I trans enough, am I pretty enough, will I ever pass (do I want to pass). It's comparisons.
Brainworms. Brainworms feed on comparisons, and they feed on telling us that we'll never be as [whatever] as the next person (who clearly has her shit together and is a knockout, too). They love that stuff, and they eat it up and give us nightmares.
1/4
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Replies: 0
Boosts: 0