Willow Brook 💜's Post

I wrote this yesterday as sort of a vent piece to flesh out my thoughts, positive and negative.

Sex. Porn.
Sex is beautiful, and disgusting.
Human bodies are beautiful, and disgusting.
I love how my body feels when I touch sensitive skin.
I think about someone else doing it for me.
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Sometimes I just want the chemical dopamine that comes with an orgasm.
But it excites me to think about someone who wants that too, and uses me to achieve that goal. The desperation to achieve ecstasy, and maybe I happen to be convenient or maybe they want me specifically.
Do they love me? Do they care about me? Does it matter? Do I care who they are? Yes, but not always. I want them to be attractive to me in some way. Otherwise it's like putting motor oil in a cream puff.
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I hate sweat. Bad smell, causes friction, wet, pilling the skin, chafing. Sex causes sweat. I want to be dry, or drier, when I fuck or fap. I want to smell good. Or just not smell bad. The euphoria of self pleasure outweighs the dysphoria of sweat and odor.
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It gets ahead of me. I want other people, sexually. But also other things. I want to bring them pleasure. That ultimate peak. Hormonal drug induced paradise. How long can you make it last? How fun can the climb be? But it does get bothersome. People want people they like when they want that, and how much they want to like them differs. You shouldn't base a relationship on sex and flirts. You talk about other things. Fap, then talk when your mind is clear. Why do you like them? Is there something, beyond a modicum of affection that might not be there tomorrow, or even falsely perceived? Bring them pleasure in more than one way. Find more ecstasies. They may not be as high, but our brains would fry if they were. Such joy goes beyond the mortal realm, and into comatosity.
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I will find what you like. I will take time for it, because I love you and it's worth it. I will not make the same mistake again. Once was enough. I've done it more than once. Reinforcement that I must heed if I continue on this path. I regret them so often, and hope that I will have another opportunity, because they are also worth it. But maybe they don't think so, and that's not my decision to make. I must continue to enjoy what I have, try to, enough that it outweighs the rest.